Prof. Kelly McGonigal on how to get more willpower (#28)

The Stanford lecturer explains science's biggest lessons in her book The Willpower Instinct

Everyone wants more willpower.

According to the American Psychological Association, lack of willpower consistently the top reason people give for not achieving their goals.

So how does one strengthen their self-control?

Professor Kelly McGonigal, a health psychologist, an educator for the Stanford School of Medicine, and creator of the SUCS course, “The Science of Willpower,” has taught on the subject for well over a decade.

In her book, The Willpower Instinct: How Self-Control Works, Why It Matters, And What You Can Do To Get More Of It, she discusses the most current science on willpower, and outlines a ton of strategies for increasing your self-control.

Her most important lesson is the subject of today’s OGT.

More Self-Awareness, More Willpower

McGonigal defines willpower as:

The ability to do what you really want to do when part of you really doesn't want to do it

But how do we strengthen that ability?

First, we notice where we consistently get into trouble:

I believe that the best way to improve your self-control is to see how and why you lose control.

Knowing how you are likely to give in doesn’t, as many people fear, set yourself up for failure. It allows you to support yourself and avoid the traps that lead to willpower failures. Research shows that people who think they have the most willpower are actually the most likely to lose control when tempted.

…Why? They fail to predict when, where, and why they will give in. They expose themselves to more temptation…They’re also most likely to be surprised by setbacks and give up on their goals when they run into difficulty.

Self-knowledge—especially of how we find ourselves in willpower trouble—is the foundation of self-control.

…If there is a secret for greater self-control the science points to one thing: the power of paying attention.

But once you pay attention, what do you do?

She outlines a bunch of strategies, but all are based on, first the noticing, then focusing your mind in that moment on your goals. On what matters.

An overarching theme is the idea to focus, not on what you don’t want, but what you want.

As she writes:

It’s remembering what you really want, and knowing what really makes you feel better. Self-awareness is the one “self ” you can always count on to help you do what is difficult, and what matters most. And that is the best definition of willpower I can think of.

One practical example is her four-step process for handling what’s called, “The Polar Bear Effect”—a study highlighting the feebleness of trying to suppress the thought of a thing we want to avoid.¹

It follows the same basic strategy: notice, accept, refocus on what you want

1. Notice that you are thinking about your temptation or feeling a craving.

2. Accept the thought or feeling without trying to immediately distract yourself or argue with it. Remind yourself of the white-bear rebound effect.

3. Step back by realizing that thoughts and feelings aren’t always under your control, but you can choose whether to act on them.

4. Remember your goal. Remind yourself of whatever your commitment is.

The OGT

McGonigal admits this is a process. It takes time to get good at it.

But—and this is crucial—you have to believe you can get good at it.

It’s not unlike meditation. Your mind constantly is wandering, but you just gently label what happened (“oh, that’s thinking”) and bring yourself back to focus on your breathe or body or mantra, depending on type of meditation.

It’s the same for avoiding a temptation. You recognize the feeling, label it, feel it for a second—”oh, that’s what it feels like to want to absolutely maul that jar of crunchy peanut butter”—- and then bring your focus back to your goal, your commitment to it, and why you’re doing it in the first place.

In McGonical’s words, you want to focus, not as much on what “I won’t” do, but on what “I will do” or “want to do” instead.

If you want more McGonigal, I highly recommend her 2013 TED Global talk about how you can turn stress good by changing your beliefs about it.

For more on focusing on what matters, read author Haruki Murakami on how he used goals and priority to quit smoking, and Oprah’s question to herself when she is acting out of fear or weakness.

1. In the study, subjects were told to think of anything other than a white polar bear. But that’s all they could think of as a result. The same is applied to succumbing to temptation. If you tell yourself “no, I won’t think of chocolate”—then all you think of is chocolate.